THE PHOTO CLUB CRITIQUE

“Just relax and show your work,” they said.
“Don’t despair because you’re new.
We’re experienced photo club critiquers.
We’ll know exactly what you should do.”

“Is this supposed to be Bigfoot?” sniffed one.
“Another picture of the Yeti?”
Well, I don’t like the background much.
Those tree limbs look like spaghetti.

“There are too many distractions in dense forest.
They’re everywhere within reach.
I’d Photoshop that sucker outta there
and maybe place him on a beach.”

“You could have posed him over there” said member two
“But he still wouldn’t look quite right.
Did you consider coming back the next morning?
It’d been much softer light.”

“You should always follow the rule of thirds,” announced number three
“except, of course, those times when you shouldn’t.
But I wouldn’t have placed the main subject there.
Oh no, oh no, I wouldn’t.

You need to crop it here and you need to crop it there
cause Sasquatch is much too centered.
This photo would never win awards.
It’d be the worst one entered!”

“Fill flash!  Fill flash!” shouted member four.
“You’re right,” agreed member five.
“He needs more sparkle in his eyes.
Hell, he barely looks alive.

“With harsh shadows everywhere
your subject looks a little funny.
I’m pretty sure your equipment‘s at fault.
I think you’ll need to spend more money.”

It’s great to consult the experts.
They surely know what’s best.
In no time they’ll have your photos
looking like all the rest.